i’ll continue to love you…

if i had known that you’d take back
all the beautiful things you’ve ever
said and promised,
i would have guarded my heart better.
i wouldn’t have given you my complete trust.
as it is, you now have a place in my soul
and you have broken the faith
i resolutely placed in your hands.
still, i could never ask you to untake
everything you’ve ever told me.
i will never regret the way i felt
when you held my hands.
i will continue loving you
until i have gotten over your dropping me
irrevocably out of your life.

 

 

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steeped in pain…

you wrenched my heart
and gripped it hard in your hands
or so it seems,
because the pain is deeply excruciating,
it’s bringing me to my knees,
making me bleed
and cry out like a wild banshee,
who knows not why it’s still
allowed to live in such abject misery.

you plunged your claws
into my soul and ripped it into shreds.
now, it’s lying tattered and torn,
web-like in its demise,
with no hope for healing,
with no chance for redemption.
you brought it into an abyss,
sending me wailing in agony,
making me wish there is death
in my tomorrow,
but still existing, very much alive.

 

 

what can love do…

i may love hard,
but that doesn’t mean
i’m totally fine.
it doesn’t mean
i hope to ever live
a life seeped in happiness.
for what can love do
to take off my mask of smiles.

i love, yes,
but that doesn’t erase
the darkness of my heart.
for what can love do
to change the misery
i hide deep inside.
for the temporary joy it gives,
it also brings in pain.

i do love,
but that erases not
the apathy that is slowly
eating away at my soul.
for what can love do
to help me break away
from the chains of anguish
eating away at my very being.

i love you,
but what can my love
do for you.

in my book of memories…

Deep inside the recesses of my soul
where I keep my books of memories,
I have a volume dedicated just for you.
There you reside, just like all remnants
of a past long gone, but never forgotten.

There was that night
when we first held hands,
when just the feel of your fingers
intertwined with mine, sent my heart
thudding wildly like galloping horses.

There was that time
when you first said you love me,
when the sound of your voice
saying those words melted my insides
like vanilla ice cream on a cold night.

There was that moment
when you decided to be just friends,
when you broke my fragile heart
into a gazillion pieces, shattering my world –
making me regret the trust I gave.

But, then came the instance
when I realized that yes, we are better off
this way – friends who know each other well,
who care for each other in ways no one else can,
who love without limits, with no boundaries.

my aching heart…

my heart still aches.
it’s as if something’s lodged in there,
stuck in there – like a flint in the eye.
sometimes, the pain goes eerily numb,
like i could no longer feel myself.
but, other times, it gets so piercingly sharp,
it’s as if a knife’s still in there – plunged
and twisted deeper every day.

i don’t know how long this will last.
i have no idea until when i can handle this.
all i know is my heart is in peril
of becoming more apathetic than it is now.
and, somehow i don’t want that to happen.
not at all.
no, not at all.